Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
