Having a random hookup so left but love u
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
