Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
It's just like the Real World with babies
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Did you pee in the oven last night??
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