I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
