There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Randomize
