When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Success! We fucked roommates!
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
