I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
