; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
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