dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
