no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize