The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
