Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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