i was born a porn star she said
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
