So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize