what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
