so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I think people are normalizing furries
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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