She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
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