3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize