She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Randomize
