It's like God shit irony all over that family
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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