My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Randomize
