Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
