Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
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