I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
