brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
