Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Randomize
