he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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