So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Who died my cat blue again?
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Randomize
