Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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