Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Randomize
