Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Randomize
