dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Randomize
