fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
You dont lie about slip and slides
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
