hotel room ftw
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Randomize
