told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
