halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Randomize
