i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
