Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Randomize
