im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize