this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
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