That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
We have started to decorate penises.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Is Oprah even human
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Randomize
