I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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