Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
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