I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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