just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
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