help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
