Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
