I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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