I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize