I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
