He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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