wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
