right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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