Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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