Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
