At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Randomize
