All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I just found puke in my bra..
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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