you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Is Oprah even human
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
