Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
