fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Randomize
