Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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