i would punch a child for taco bell
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
