Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize