i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Then you guys just all showered together...?
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
