Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Never joke about your clitoris.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
