I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
