She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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