You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
