i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
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