I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
