So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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