nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Still dying that you shit outside
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
We need a shit load of segways right now
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
