He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Randomize