Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
