No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Randomize
