No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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