i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
