i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
