I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
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