I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
