he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
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