Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
