found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
