i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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