If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
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