i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
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