in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize