I must be too annoying 4 u.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
