Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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