so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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