i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize