My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
