capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
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