She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
