as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
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