You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
