): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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