and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
