yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
