Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
