she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Randomize
