Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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