Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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