Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
i need some magic done to my vagina
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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