I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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