What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize