Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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