So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
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