I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
time to smoke my breakfast
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
